| This is how it has t be, it just wasn't ment. |
[07 Oct 2005|07:33pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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BTBAM silent circus |
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Yep.... ah. Thats whats going on, a whole lot of nothing as Johnny yawns and stretches his arms as they rise from above the down comforter that engulfed him. " All the fuck I want right now is a fucking blunt rolled white and green, 2 bitches and some magazines". He gets out of bed now to scratch himself and fart. Johnny puts on his favorite throw back and his one gold tooth, he could afford a whole grill. He doesn't bother putting on jeans for he's been wearing the same pair for a week. Neither does he bother with brushing his teeth or hair, thats what hats and gum are for. Walking down the street of the whitest ghetto in Ft. Myers he thinks he's G, hahahaha.... Johnny couldn't be more white. Thats whats so fucking great about this story. One boy thinking he is as hard as the concrete below him meets harsh reality when he actually gets a feeling for what the fuck a hood is. Johnny notices a girl, but not your average girl, shes different. Beautiful from head to toe, but she looked animated. Not real. She couldn't be real, there was no skin on her arms just vibrant colors. Her hair long and black as the night sky where you got your first kiss. With long bright white streaks that looked like comets. She was an angel from above the atmosphere. The walkman that johnny carried now on that "hard concrete". Scrambling to pick it up un obvious, he trips. She sees this and begins to chuckle. Johnny being the G thug he is jumps to his feet to holla, " AHY!, why you look like dat?" "Because I'm white, you should try it!" "Oh shit, I didn't know angels had a sense of humor!, whats your name?......" " my name is ..."
if you read this at all and you started enjoyed it at all then tell me and Ill keep writing about it.
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[04 Sep 2005|04:20pm] |
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mood |
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happy to grace this earth! |
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music |
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same old shit. |
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LIVE. LOVE. BURN. DIE. I hate you for this. I will always remember how much this hurts.
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| Fucking September 1 |
[01 Sep 2005|06:24pm] |
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music |
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Roman Fucking Empire. Brad I love you sorry for your nuts |
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Things have been going really good. I enrolled into IDAT for recording arts. I bought a Powerbook G4 and I love it. I smoke weed, a lot of it and I love it. 2 days until your big 20 B-day, I don't think I'll ever forget your birthday, no matter where I am or what I'm doing I will always know that Sept. 3, is always a holiday for me. When your celibrating your birthday 30 years from now, I will be too. I love you. Girls are so weird I wish I could understand them. I wish I could trust them. To Colin O'Brian: I'm sorry, I didn't meen to cause a scene. I love you man no matter what, it just so happens that I've had a crush on Elena way before you ever thought there was a girl out there so perfect. Now that you two arent dating I'm going to persue it. I <3 ELENA!
call me Elena I miss you, and come here.
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| Ill cut off my own hands so I can't feel pain. |
[13 Aug 2005|02:53pm] |
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mood |
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Broken, not in two, shattered. |
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music |
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F.F.T.L. Emily. |
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Fuck that, I'm sick of games. Little fucking head games, you can call me once every three days and let me linger on the idea of us being together, but fuck that. I wish I never met you things would be easier that way. I had a date to go out to lunch this afternoon at 11:30, I went to sleep at 4:30 in the morning. So I had to have my parents wake me up. In a daze, half asleep I told my parents I was going out with you, but in order to go out with you would involve talking and god knows we don't fucking do that. "Do you know what Ed Gaines said?" "the actor?" "no, serial killer, 1950's. He said when I see a pretty girl part of me wants to take her out, buy her a nice meal and get to know her. But the other part of me wants to take that pretty face and cut it off, and eat it." fuck you. Your a slut, Your a liar, Your a lush, Your Beautiful, Your so precious. From your long black hair to your huge brown eyes that make me quiver. ALl the way down to your cute small feet. YOU ARE A MIRACLE. I, I hate, I hate you. I sit, I wonder, I think.... about you. I dream, I lust, I pray.... over you. I hate you.... But if I hate you then why can't I just let you go, why can't I just tell you to stop calling me. I hate you. I don't know what this feeling I have for you is but it is strong. I go to sleep thinking of the last time I saw or spoke to you. I wake up thinking of you. I close my eyes to see a painful memory of you. Of the shit that in such a short amount of time, 2 months made me change. I hate you for changing me. I hate you.
I love you.
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| I love the way I feel so much I want to take a bat to my own head |
[10 Aug 2005|06:45pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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statues cry bleeding |
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I'll peel back the skin from my head
Let the sun melt you from my memory
I'll drink myself to sleep and escape
The nightmares of being awake.
I'll set the air afire.
You never even tried to tell me
What went wrong, what went wrong.
In this train wreck that we built together
What went wrong, what went wrong.
Under shaking skin, underneath it all.
Kill me from within. Kill me, kill me.
You said always.
Say you will, pretend to care.
Say you will be there
Always.
Say you will, pretend to care.
Say you will be there
Always.
Steal my breath, taint the air.
Every bone in my body's been broken
And my life is a jaw wired shut,
My voice is my curse and my shelter from the pain
And I'm breathing carbon just to fall
Asleep at night. Asleep at night.
In this train wreck that we built together
Nothing's right, nothing's right.
I'm teething.
I'm cutting gums for the first time.
Under shaking skin, underneath it all.
Kill me from within. Kill me, kill me.
You said always.
Say you will, pretend to care.
Say you will be there
Always.
Say you will, pretend to care.
Say you will be there
You said always.
You're stabbing my heart.
Broken hearts, broken doors.
Dying on a hotel floor.
Because of a small black box you couldn't receive.
I'll drive you home tomorrow in silence. My sister will return it.
This is the end of the summer, and the beginnings of the fall.
You'll leave me two months later. In an airport goodbye.
And as the weeks go on the letters and the phone calls decrease.
Ah, to fade from memory.
So keep the punches coming:
left, right, right, left, left.
Kick the throat you used to kiss.
Push face into concrete.
A smile, a giant fist.
The bloody face of bliss.
And as I gasp for my last breath,
I crawl back into your perfect poison arms.
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| me |
[02 Aug 2005|03:10pm] |
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| I wish |
[02 Aug 2005|02:16pm] |
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I wish I could understandd you becasuse you really confuse me
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[01 Aug 2005|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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Reggie and The Full Effect " this beat is deathnotronic" |
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So think, think until it makes you hurt. I wish I could pull myself out of this rut of hate anger hurt sadness. Im choking and drowning in all of it. All these emotions fill my lungs like water and I just can’t take it any more. I want to cry but I’ve forgotten how. I'll write till I have blisters on the tips of my fingers. All my insides are gone eaten away at them selves. Im empty, Im worthless, Im dead but still breathing. This is my life it is uneventful and undesirable and I hate it. I hate everything about it. I fight I hide I cover my face from you.
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| So Im |
[29 Jul 2005|11:14pm] |
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mood |
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IIM PISSED AND KINDA HURT |
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music |
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whaT EVER YOU WANT |
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I''m; drunk, Im sitting at brees house, Im pissed and kinda hurt, I miss yo7u and I think im falling in love with you I hurt I cry your song is beautiful but not as beautiful as you.
i THINK i HATE YOU
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[28 Jul 2005|07:32pm] |
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mood |
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thankful |
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music |
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He IS legenD |
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By far the MOST BEAUTIFUL girl in the universe. New Girlfriends are great especially when they are so hott and when they are so infatuated with you!
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| These Days |
[20 Jul 2005|04:03pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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dead to fall |
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So things have been going really good. My tattoo artist is starting a band, and from the way it sounds it could go really well. One quitarest is an x member of Fall Out Boy, the other guitarest is an x member of Further seems forever. They asked me to play drums! I wasnt going to get excited because I thought that it might all be talk, but I guess we have studio time friday night to start practicing. The game plan is to get one song down tight and then record it, and I guess they have people that would be interested in it. But I'm not going to get my hopes up. Plus I've never been so nervous to play before, I'm going to throw up when we start practicing. hahahahahha, well good luck to me I could use some.
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| FUCK YOU |
[05 Jul 2005|04:36pm] |
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mood |
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Living Dead |
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music |
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On The Might Of Princes |
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I sit in my room hating every breathe I take. I hate these four walls. He lives with me now we have our own place, but for how long? No money. I need you and you don't care. I'm clean. No toxins in my body except for carbon monoxide. Breathe deep, close my eyes I can't see you anymore and I'm afraid I never will again. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate being Tampa and not knowing anyone. I hate that everyone is so fashionXcore and if your not then fuck you. I like going downtown. I dont like not having any me time. He is my best friend but all I want right now is to drive downtown and walk the streets till 3 am and think about my unorganized, petty, worthless, meaningless life. I HATE IT. Come rescue me, I know you are out there but during this point in my life I need you. I'm broken and your the only person that can fix me. I'm tired of meeting these lame ass scene girls who think they are the shit, they aren't, you don't impress me. My Sleeve will be finished next monday, so much of my arm has been covered since I saw you last, I wish you could see it now. I lov.... If I said the rest would it mean a thing to you anymore?
" I wish we worked out for you, I guess I'm horrible for you....."
Reggie-
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| Living here. |
[21 Jun 2005|06:11pm] |
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mood |
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 thirsty for your touch |
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music |
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mare |
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It feels weird not talking to you Knowing that I can't talk to you even if I really needed you, and there are those times. I miss the way you smile, the way you smell every little thing you did was so precious and I threw it away. I miss you, everyday when I work, I think of things I could have done differently to change the way things are. I'm sorry, for everything I've ever done wrong to you, Ive always known how special of a person you were but now that we have both moved away its really apparent that I could never see you again, and I can't live with that.
goodbye for now
July 4th weekend
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| Its pointless |
[02 Jun 2005|02:10am] |
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music |
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symphony in peril |
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The situation was quite funny. I was in a car with some friends and someone decided to put the Garden State soundtrack in, all I could think of was you. How I'm never going to hold you again and how painful this is. This realization didn't hit me all at once, it comes in waves leaving me only enough breath to keep from drowning in it. I cried in that car over you, last night, not last month, last night. I wanted to get in a car and start driving. I would have drove until I got there, to you, but would you open your arms? When I was crying it hurt even worse to know that you wernt going to be there to wipe away my tears. Every day that passes seems like its just getting harder and harder. Things just don't happen, we wont just bump into eachother, but if thats really how it happens, then I'll look for you around every corner. I Love You, also I hope you are enjoying smoking out of that amazing pipe, you know the one.
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| Mons Venus |
[21 May 2005|09:53am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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synphony in peril |
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Caleb Nuf is here now, got in last night. We spent the entire night at a strip club called mons venus, some of the hottest girls Ive ever seen, I happened to "meet" a stripper and we exchanged #s and talked for over an hour, and I didnt have to pay for it, hahaha. She seems awesome, she's in her second year of med school and last night was her first night. But OMFG shes is drop dead georgous! Now we are
headed to Busch Fucking Gardens to ride that awesome new ride.
peace my ninja~
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| For you know who. |
[19 May 2005|05:06pm] |
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mood |
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ive been drinking since 4 am. |
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music |
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its weird I really like senses fail!!!! |
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A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face, the boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...
you know who you are...... I'll always be here.
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| Self explanitory |
[19 May 2005|07:48am] |
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mood |
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same |
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music |
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same as mother fucking before. |
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Fuck him. Fuck me for fucking things up in the first place, I will be there when I get off probation, whether it be with you or not. I love you and I always will.
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| Man... |
[19 May 2005|07:24am] |
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mood |
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Fucking dead to the world... |
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music |
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7 angels 7 plagues |
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I didn't expect it. I took you for granite, I guess I just thought you would always be there, I was saving up to come see you despite what you might think, 7:30 in the morning and I can't stop drinking I'm down in the dumps over you, but its my fault. I fucked it up, I always do. Does he make you happy? Because in the end thats all I really care about. I do plan on moving there with or without your approval. I wish I had you now more than ever, I hate this.... can't sleep, haven't eaten since you told me. my head is pounding, heart is racing can't stop either, I love you. No more to say than that. I LOVE YOU. I will be up thinking of what I could have done differently to change the outcome of the situation I am now in.
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